The Desires of My Heart

by Annette Meyer

This morning, half awake during the coffee brewing, while scanning “On This Day” in FB, I saw a meme listing what a woman desires in a relationship with a man. Then soon after that, as I sat alone and sipped coffee, my morning scripture reading told me that when I seek to build a relationship with my Father in heaven, He promises to draw ever closer to me and to fulfill the deepest desires of my heart.

These two prompts led me into curiosity; what are my deepest desires that still exist there, unbeknownst to me. Obviously, only He knows.

As a tiny child my heart’s desires were pretty simple; feed me, hold me, keep me dry, let me sleep, unless I wanted to be awake, then nobody sleeps.

As a toddler child I demanded to be loved, to be fed, to have a lot of attention, the entertainment of my choosing, and to do whatever I wanted to do when and how I wanted to do it, or not to do it, and nobody could touch my stuff!  

Of course, as I’ve matured through real life experiences, every one of these basic needs, by necessity, have become much more fleshed out, defined and intricately refined!

Early teens, the daily desires of my heart were to not upset adults, stay under my parents’ radar, just get through school with passing grades, keep my younger brothers and sisters out of trouble, not have to babysit–the usual teenage list. I deeply yearned to be 18, when I could be magically FREE of my parents authority. My heart desired to travel the world on a whim, to be carefree, to do anything I wanted for as long as I wanted without others interfering, to have anything I wanted and nobody could dare touch my stuff!

I believed then that I was capable of living life successfully because I was “raised right”; my parents having been complimented on how I was “mature for my young age group” by several old people who would know that kind of stuff. My young heart’s desire was to prove this to everyone who had ever questioned my choices, who had demeaned me in any way. Never doubting my ability to be a successful adult, I would show them! And of course I would continue to live in faith.

In my naiveté early on, where personal relationships were concerned, I embraced the typically romantic “He’s my Adam, I’m his Eve” concept (meaning that we were created to be together, to compliment the other forever till death do us part, existing in the pure, perfectly tranquil Garden of Marriage relationship.) My heart desired True Love.

Reality comes into play; all I can say to my ill-conceived imagery up to this point through early childhood and then into marriage is “Pshaw!”

As it always goes when two imperfect humans living in close proximity actually have to readjust to each other’s ideals, things get tumultuous, even under good circumstances. And then long term, when we tossed in children, the desires of my heart became a complete alphabet stew! Sheesh, how love changes and confuses everything that we knew! I was way too busy being a parent to have an idyllic life. When I could spare a moment to consider the desires of my heart it was obvious that the overall theme of life is quite simple at every age, just Feed me, hold me, keep me dry, let me sleep, unless I want to be awake, (thus the coffee) and nobody should ever touch my stuff!

As they say, it’s not the age, it’s the mileage that counts. I have now been pummeled, matured and refined while surviving this human existence for almost six decades. I am a high mileage grandmother because this submitting myself to My Creator and having Him fulfill my heart’s desire for a stronger faith is exhilarating, terrifying and absolutely awesomely amazing.

The current desires of my heart can be summed up easily. I yearn to LIVE DAILY in His Presence, His Time and His Will; always learning, being shown how to go deeper, taught how to live in and freely share with others the testimony of an ever expanding FAITH. Our Messiah figuratively invites us all to “come and touch this stuff!”

The older I get the more I am made aware of the deeper desires that have been hidden there all of my life and only revealed to me at His appropriate times, when I have been prepared and am ready to fully embrace it! I desire to TRUST him completely.

I do know that my Father in heaven has guided me through life, teaching, molding and shaping me to become whatever His Heart desires for me. I don’t know what that will eventually look like but I do know that His Vision is perfect for me and living THAT FUTURE is my deepest heart’s desire!

Meanwhile, back here on Earth, I do long for WORLD PEACE!

(PS. I admit there are a few other ideas on my own list of personal desire’s but that’s a secret that no one will ever hear about unless they are meant to be revealed, in time of course, lol.)


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