by Jared Leys
“My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue: ‘Yahweh, make me know my end and what is the extent of my days; let me know how transient I am’” (Psalm 39: 2-4).
To acquaint yourself with the terrible and overwhelming scarcity of sure answers regarding the nature, cause and purpose of everything is to know the sheer fury that comes hurtling toward your soul from the pain of existence. This pain, familiar to all who have been born, pulls and gnaws at a man from within–it causes him doubt, fear, shame and guilt.
It is the lack of understanding. It is the lack of purpose for the fight.
Naturally, out of this wound comes songs and tears, birth and death, joy and suffering, love and fear. Out of this horror at looking into the abyss and seeing nothing comes the essence of human experience.
We struggle against the worst of our torments. We seek relief from the corruption that surrounds us perpetually. We call to the heavens for answers because we have nowhere else to turn.
This is why so many of us believe in the Father of Lights–because the distant stars promise hope for something better. And we find no better faith than to believe in freedom from this oppressive emptiness that always threatens to creep in upon the edges of our hearts and minds.
So perhaps there is a true peace to be had, then, in facing our fear and letting it know that you have a different master. Maybe we find abundant goodness in the scraps from the table–those small hints we do have–because it’s enough evidence for us to carry on for one more day.
None of this, of course, can be truly discovered through the cloud of our daily toil and distractions. And it is rare–even for the sincerest of people–to have moments of deep reflection that bring a clarity of vision on the scale of this freedom and light.
Even so, we carry on for a better hour, a better day, a better year, when the return on our hope is sure to come. And in the meanwhile, we actively seek it out in the production of anything that results from that sheer fury at the pain of existence.
So come, Lord of Creation, and set us free. Humanity waits for the dawning day.